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Uncle Harvey's Incredible Spanking Machine
by Paul Arinaga

© 2006 Paul Arinaga. All rights reserved.

Kids loved Uncle Harvey…even though he was a strict man.

Uncle Harvey had been a captain in the Army Corps or Engineers before retiring to his farm, so he was used to giving orders and being obeyed (He liked it when children did what he told them to do).

So, when his nieces and nephews or the neighborhood children were over, Uncle Harvey made them sit ramrod straight and say “Sir, yes Sir!” close the cover of the jam jar or wash their hands.

Johnny, Uncle Harvey’s nephew was visiting from the big city for the summer. Even though Johnny wasn’t Uncle Harvey’s son, Uncle Harvey was still very strict with him. In fact, when Uncle Harvey thought that Johnny was misbehaving, he’d even spank him.

One day, Johnny forgot to feed the chickens.

“Whack, whack, whack!” went Uncle Harvey’s hand on little Johnny’s bottom.

“Ow! Ugh!” yelped Johnny (actually, it didn’t hurt, Johnny was just faking).

It was the 29th time that Uncle Harvey was spanking Johnny that day, and frankly, his own hand was starting to hurt a little bit.

That evening Uncle Harvey was sitting on the porch admiring the sunset and nursing his sore hand when an idea hit him.

“That’s it!” he exclaimed, “I’ll make a spanking machine.”

Uncle Harvey was also an inventor. In his barn he made all kinds of machines like the machine for cracking eggs, his solar-powered go-kart and his favorite: “the Ever-Shaker Milk-Shake Maker.”

Uncle Harvey started drawing up plans for his spanking machine and he worked all that evening on it.

When little Johnny came down for breakfast the next morning, a strange contraption was sitting on the kitchen floor.

“What’s that?” he asked, pointing at the machine.

I call it the “Sir, Yes Sir Super Spanker”, said Uncle Harvey with a satisfied grin on his face.

“What does it do?” asked Johnny.

“It automatically spanks naughty boys,” said Uncle Harvey with a serious look on his face.

“Like me?” asked Johnny innocently.

“Only when you’re naughty,” said Uncle Harvey, now suddenly feeling like maybe he shouldn’t be too pleased with his machine.

“Why don’t you test it out first, Harv?” said Aunt Marge with a sarcastic grin on her face.

Now, although Uncle Harvey was a gifted inventor, he didn’t realize that Johnny invented things, too.

In fact, Johnny even had a secret lab in a tree hollow behind the house.

“Uh-oh, it’s going to get harder to fake now,” thought Johnny to himself.

That day, after summer school, Johnny went to his lab and started experimenting.

“That should do it,” he said to himself as he put the finishing touches on his new device: the “No, Sir, Yes Sir Anti-Spanking Stealth Suit”.

This stealth suit fit right under your underwear and had special padding so you’d hardly even feel any spanking. At the same time special sensors responded to every spank with sounds like: “Whack” and “Ow! Ugh! Or Arrgh!”

“This should do the trick,” said Johnny to himself. Now, Uncle Harv will think that his spanking works, but I won’t feel a thing.”

That very same day, Johnny got to try out his new suit.

“Oops! Forgot to feed the chickens again!”

Uncle Harvey strapped Johnny in and cranked the machine 5 times.

“Five paddlings per turn of the crank,” he said proudly.

He pressed a lever and:

“Whack, whack, whack, whack, whack…”

The enormous paddles smacked Johnny on the bottom 25 times.




Screamed the Anti-Spanking Stealth Suit. But Johnny didn’t feel a thing.

Johnny and his uncle were both quite pleased with themselves.

*    *    *    *    *

That evening after dinner, Uncle Harvey went out to his barn to tinker with his newest invention. He couldn’t quite figure out how to get the spanking machine to work how he wanted, and pretty soon it was well past midnight.

Uncle Harvey started to feel sleepy.

“Hmmm…” he said to himself while yawning. The padded chair of the spanking machine looked inviting, and so Uncle Harvey lay his large body down on it.

Soon he was fast asleep.

Suddenly, he woke with a start.

“Huh? Wha…?” he said to himself.

He was strapped into the machine. Somehow, while he’d been asleep, the machine had strapped his wrists and ankles in.

Uncle Harvey struggled to free himself, but the harder he pulled, the tighter his bonds became.

“Help!” he screamed, but no one could hear him from the house.

“I’ll figure this out myself,” thought Uncle Harvey to himself.

He started pressing buttons on the machine and pushing the spanking mechanism around.

Suddenly, the machine went on.

“Whoops!” said Uncle Harvey, then “Ow! Ooooh! Augh! Ouchie! Oh! Ugh!”

The machine was going full tilt. It looked like it had got stuck in a loop and would never stop spanking.

Finally, after giving about 100 spanks, “putu-putu-putu-putu” the machine slowly came to a stop.

Well, Uncle Harvey’s bottom DID hurt!

But at least all his writhing around when he was getting spanked had loosened his bonds, so he could easily slip out of the machine.

Uncle Harvey limped off to bed.

*    *    *    *    *

The next morning Uncle Harvey woke up late. When he came downstairs, Aunt Marge said “Harvey, why are you walking so funny?”

Uncle Harvey blushed.

“It’s nothing,” he said. “I just pulled my leg working yesterday.”

That day Johnny forgot to feed the chickens again.

Uncle Harvey gently reminded him to go and feed them.

“You’re not going to spank me?” asked Johnny.

“No, I don’t believe in spanking anymore,” said Uncle Harvey, “I know you’re a good boy so you’ll do what I ask…and I know you’ll always do what’s right.”

And that was that.

Uncle Harvey never again spanked any children. Instead he made all kinds of wonderful contraptions for children like funny cars, a real airplane and a giant water balloon slingshot.

And the children loved him even more, so whenever he wanted them to do something, all he had to do was ask.

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